Being Grateful

Taken from a forum post and republished here:

So, I’ve been mulling this thing for over a week now, wondering how to go about expressing my gratitude to the man I married almost 13 years ago. I decided to do it here because: A) It’s my forum and I can and B) Most of the people I really care about are here to see it and I’ll send the URL to the rest.

As most of you know, I contracted a staph infection in my leg about 2.5 weeks ago. Most of you also know we almost lost our elder son to this very thing in 2005. He went to the hospitals here and spent months in hell (I am not exaggerating. I spent some of it there with him) fighting for his life, and his leg, trying to recover.

So when I recovered my senses from the chills and the fever enough to wonder why my leg hurt, I knew I was in for a huge challenge. Staph Aureus is nothing to fuck around with — it can and will kill you. But, Michael and I decided, after our son’s ordeal, to just stay clear of hospitals and doctors unless it was a broken bone or something else they’re qualified to repair. Which meant that he and I were going to have to navigate our way through this, our way.

I won’t bore you with the details, they’re not the point of this. The point is that, when I got sick and couldn’t hold up my end of our partnership anymore, Michael stepped right in and not only kept carrying his end, but handled mine, too.

The puppies. The housecleaning. The bills. The shopping. The cooking — all of this on top of days full of hard physical labor as a general contractor. PLUS: Stepping and fetching for me when he’s home because I have to stay in bed and keep this leg elevated most of the time.

That last has been the hardest for me. I’m an extremely independent woman, always have been. I’m also fairly empathic — I know the man’s tired. Still, with more good grace than you’d ever think anyone could show, when I ask him for something, he gets it, and usually without any bad attitude or anything.

I look back on my life now, as this leg is healing (quickly and well, thank you), I wonder what good deed I might possibly have done to warrant having a mate this loyal, devoted, and loving. I honestly can’t think what it might be — in my head, my life is full of mistakes, missteps, and a host of other sins small and large. If our lives are part of some grand divine reward and punishment system (as most major religions would have us believe. Most days, I know that’s rubbish) then I must have done something pretty all right to have deserved this man as husband.

I just wanted to say that publicly. He deserves much more than this, IMO, but for now, it’s what I can give.

I love you, honey. Thank you for loving me too.